Last week after speaking with Doc he asked me if I liked to write, which reminded me of when I was a kid and I remember I enjoyed writing small stories given to me as assignments from my teacher. I remember some included my brother, actually most included my brother as well as haunted houses. Don’t ask me why but as a kid I enjoyed scary things, to this day I still do.
Anyway, back on topic, so Doc asked me if I liked to write and I said I did as a kid, yada yada yada. Doc then asked me to write about things that make me sad, so here goes.
Things that come to mind that make me sad. I get sad when I think about certain parts of my past although they sometimes are cloudy and hard to comprehend.
I get sad when I think about how little I have accomplished in life, what I mean is I’m not financially settled, I’m not doing the things I’d like to do and so on.
I get sad when I realize as a kid growing up I never had that true family life, a mother and father figure in one house.
I get sad when I look back as a kid and realize I was gifted in sports but due to the lack of support from any family I never did pursue sports or for that matter school. When I was a kid I did just enough to get by, a lot of times because I couldn’t concentrate, as my previous post mentioned my mind drifted a lot.
I get sad and frustrated because I don’t have the confidence in myself to pursue most dreams I have. If I hit a roadblock I often just give up. I’m not typically the person that falls off the horse and gets right back on, sometimes I do, but more often than not I don’t.
I get sad when I lack to motivation to do things, with that said I’m not depressed, more often than not people I’ve spoken to throw up the depression thing in my face, so I just want to clear that up now, basically I just do not have the fire burning inside to motivate me to do things. Almost like I’m content, but my mind tells me otherwise.
I get sad when I realize I don’t really have a so-called “inner circle” of friends I can trust. It seems one way or another people let me down or I cause things to happen to in-turn cause them to let me down, complicated I know.
I get sad when I get in public situations and literally freak out, not openly but internally I’m a wreck, it just makes me nervous.
I get sad cause I can often give good advice to others, but can’t give the same advice to myself, go figure.
I get sad because I often can’t convey the things I want to say, either my mind is scrambled or I just can’t figure out how to put it into words. For example, as I write all of this I am listening to instrumental music, it relaxes me, I love good instrumental movie sound tracks, but as I listen to it relaxed I still struggle with comprehending the things I want to say or in this moment type.
So there you have it, a few things that make me sad.
-JL
