Jagged Lucidity

Hello and welcome to Jagged Lucidity.  As you can see I have the definitions of both words below, please take a moment to look them over.

Definition of JAGGED

1:  having a sharply uneven edge or surface <jagged peaks>

2:  having a harsh, rough, or irregular quality <jagged rhythms>

Definition of LUCIDITY

1:  clearness of thought or style

2:  a presumed capacity to perceive the truth directly and instantaneously

The reason I chose Jagged Lucidity as my blog name is because it relates to my everyday struggles in real life.  Almost daily I have to make a great effort in confronting my…let me refer to them as inner demons, hopefully nobody gets freaked out by this, it’s just a reference per say, I’m not saying I have internal demons.

What I mean is my thoughts are not always clear, they tend to be racing so fast that either I can’t comprehend them or they just confuse the heck out of me, so instead of having lucidity, clearness of thought, instead I have jagged thoughts or uneven or irregular thoughts.

For example right now it is an internal battle to grasp the words I want to say and how to relate them as I write them.  When I think of something it’s like a thousand thoughts go through my mind at once, and sometimes the confusion brought on by this is simply frustrating to say the least.

Lately I’ve been seeing a doctor (who shall remain nameless) to help me confront this issue.  Basically once a week or every other week I have a sit down session with the doctor (who I will refer to as Doc from now on) and we discuss various issues most of which always in one way or another point to my past.

You see, growing up as a kid I didn’t have the ideal childhood that most kids have.  I grew up in an abusive environment.  By abusive I mean I grew up in environments that had drugs, alcohol and unfortunately physical and verbal abuse.  Thankfully though there was no sexual abuse, but as you can see there are many forms of abuse.

So how does this relate to me today?  Good question, that’s the part I’m trying to figure out for myself.  Although most of my past experiences are numb to me, they still cause my mind to be a scrambled mess at times and according to my Doc they have a huge impact on the way I look at things today.

Over the coming days, weeks or months I will “try to share this journey with those that may accidentally find this site.  Any by doing so I hope in one way or another I can help someone else.  This may not be a fun journey, but it will be an honest journey.

-JL

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